{"id":1471,"date":"2013-01-02T13:19:34","date_gmt":"2013-01-02T13:19:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/rs\/en\/lynda-fitzgerald-ex-catholic-ireland-part-3-of-4\/"},"modified":"2013-01-02T13:19:34","modified_gmt":"2013-01-02T13:19:34","slug":"lynda-fitzgerald-ex-catholic-ireland-part-3-of-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/r-islam.com\/en\/lynda-fitzgerald-ex-catholic-ireland-part-3-of-4\/","title":{"rendered":"Lynda Fitzgerald, Ex-Catholic, Ireland (part 3 of 4)"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/h2>\n

<\/h2>\n

<\/h2>\n

<\/h2>\n

Changing My Job<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

There had been a freeze on recruitment at my hospital, and then in June they suddenly opened up for recruitment, and there were two jobs that I could go for.\u00a0 One was in the Personnel Department, and the other was in the Education and Training Department.\u00a0 I had a choice of both jobs, and both Directors were really pushing me to take their department.\u00a0 If I went to the Personnel Department I would be right in the middle of things, and I would know everything that was going on in the hospital, and I would have more chance of getting a pay rise in the future.\u00a0 If I went to Education, I knew there was more chance that people would find out about me being a Muslim, and I would have to start covering my head.\u00a0 For weeks I worried and fretted about what to do.\u00a0 Suddenly it became very important for me to be in the middle of things and to know what was going on in the hospital and to be in such a strong position, but still something was stopping me.\u00a0 Finally my Jordanian friend told me to say two extra Raka\u2019s after my prayer in the evening and to ask for God\u2019s guidance.\u00a0 I did that for days and it just didn\u2019t seem to be working.\u00a0 I think I knew that I had to go to Education but there was a constant battle going on inside me, I was afraid of people finding out, I was afraid of having to face them and thoughts kept creeping into my head about what a powerful position I\u2019d be in if I went to Personnel.\u00a0 Then, one night I was reading the Quran, and it occurred to me that all those things didn\u2019t mean anything to me, money, gossip, power.\u00a0 They never had.\u00a0 So why had they suddenly become so attractive and I thought, it\u2019s Shaytaan trying to convince me, because he knows if I go to Education, then I\u2019d have more support, because there were more Muslims in the department, and I\u2019d get more involved in the religion.\u00a0 And it was like a cloud had lifted, and I made up my mind, and I couldn\u2019t wait for the next day to come so that I could tell my boss my decision.\u00a0 Of course, I went to Education.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Wearing the Hijab<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

After that things moved pretty rapidly.\u00a0 I started going to the mosque to pray and I had a lot of support in the Education department.\u00a0 Then my boss, who is (strictly religious), found out and started pressing me to cover my head.\u00a0 So I had to think about it seriously.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to do it for the wrong reason.\u00a0 I wanted to do it because I was ready and when I knew that I could put it on and never take it off again.\u00a0 Then my boss went on Holidays, and I felt the pressure was off me, but still I was thinking about it all the time.\u00a0 I had constant arguments with my friend about wearing it and the reason why and I still wasn\u2019t convinced.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

One weekend, I was at a friends house on the compound, and some new girls had arrived and I got talking to them.\u00a0 They were really nice, and I felt I could be friends with them, but then I thought, \u2018OK, new people are coming and it is only going to get harder and harder.\u00a0 Maybe if they see me with the hijab from the start, then they will accept it and not question it as much.\u2019\u00a0 I decided to start wearing it the next day.\u00a0 Here\u2019s an extract from my diary:<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo I think I\u2019m going to cover my head tomorrow.\u00a0 One half of me feels it\u2019s the right time, the other half is screaming at me not to.\u00a0 I\u2019m trying to ignore that half.\u00a0 It\u2019s just so hard to know what to do.\u00a0 What if I hate if after a day, or a week; or I realize I made a mistake after a week or a month.\u00a0 There\u2019s no turning back, not unless I want to loose all respect.\u00a0 When am I ever going to be 100% sure, when will I ever be any more sure than this.\u00a0 I have to take that chance, I have to believe that if it\u2019s what God wants, then I\u2019ll get through it.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m having a panic attack now.\u00a0 Help! \u00a0Do I really believe in this religion? \u00a0Do I really want to live my life like this? \u00a0Do I want to spend every night and every weekend alone? \u00a0Help! \u00a0Help! \u00a0Help! \u00a0Oh God, why is this so hard? \u00a0Why am I such a wuss? \u00a029 years of age and still acting like a 5 year old.\u00a0 How have I made decisions in the past when I can\u2019t seem to get it together on this one at all?\u00a0 I\u2019m not even a really good person, I have to work hard at being even half way good.\u00a0 Right now, I\u2019d like to get out of this country, go to a disco, dance wildly, get drunk, scream, shout, and sing.\u00a0 Can I face the rest of my life knowing I can\u2019t drink, can\u2019t have a boyfriend, and can\u2019t go outdoors without covering my head. \u00a0If Kate was here right now, I think I\u2019d ring her and ask her to make me a marguerita.\u00a0 But she\u2019s not! \u00a0I think the Devils working overtime on me right now.\u00a0 And people think I\u2019m a sensible person you know.\u00a0 It\u2019d make you laugh, wouldn\u2019t it?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m determined I\u2019m going to do it.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to do it.\u00a0 At least, if nothing else, I might come to my senses and realize what a fool I am, at most I\u2019ll realize that I made the right decision, and I\u2019m on the right track \u2013 enshallah [God-willing].\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t sleep a wink that night.\u00a0 Right up to the last minute I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d have the courage to do it.\u00a0 But just before I went out the door I put it on.\u00a0 I never looked back.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It was like all the doubts were gone.\u00a0 It was like Shaytaan had left me.\u00a0 I felt proud. \u00a0I felt like I was walking ten feet tall.\u00a0 I wanted everyone to know that I was a Muslim.\u00a0 I was proud to be a Muslim.\u00a0 I knew that I had made the right decision and I would never regret it.\u00a0 Subhan Allah [May God be glorified], He made it very easy for me.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ref: www.isalmreligion.com
<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Changing My Job There had been a freeze on recruitment at my hospital, and then in June they suddenly opened up for recruitment, and there were two jobs that I… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":1470,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1471","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-women-convert-to-islam"],"yoast_head":"\nLynda Fitzgerald, Ex-Catholic, Ireland (part 3 of 4) - Right Islam<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/r-islam.com\/en\/lynda-fitzgerald-ex-catholic-ireland-part-3-of-4\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Lynda Fitzgerald, Ex-Catholic, Ireland (part 3 of 4) - 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